bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
