Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
