She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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