We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
