I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
