I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize