I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
