you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
