You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
