I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
