My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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