I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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