I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize