What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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