Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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