Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
