dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
