my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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