I CAN MOONWALK!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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