im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
