This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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