Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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