Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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