my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His hands were made for my vagina.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
