Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
