and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
