Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
