You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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