I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
