I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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