her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
