i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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