i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
