when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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