oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
