Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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