well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
