Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize