hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
