I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You left your phone here
Wait...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
