i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
