I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
