I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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