I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
