I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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