The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What a dumb baby whore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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