Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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