I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
