When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
