absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
