I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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