Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
