he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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