i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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