It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
