Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were destined to go to rehab together
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
