OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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