Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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