Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
