allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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