The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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