Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
