Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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