I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
