is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
