called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
