Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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