So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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