Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
